Secrets to achieving a happy home. August 29, 2014 at 02:14AM
14 Essential Oil Remedies You Should Try | Health and Burn Weight
Need a lift? Try one of these research-backed essential oil remedies August 29, 2014 at 02:14AM
6 Easy Habits to Keep Migraines Away | Health and Burn Weight
Don't let migraines control your life. Help your head with these simple solutions August 29, 2014 at 02:14AM
Cost-Cutting Tips for Seniors | Health and Burn Weight
It's no secret that medical costs are rising. Here's how to fight back. August 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
100 Ways to Become a Healthier Family | Health and Burn Weight
Tips and recipes to keep your family healthy and happy August 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
12 Ways Pets Improve Your Health | Health and Burn Weight
It's no secret that pets make you feel good. Here, 12 ways they make a real impact on your mental and physical wellbeing. August 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
5 Tips for Staying Active With Kids and Family | Health and Burn Weight
If you’ve got kids, of course you want to make sure they grow up fit and healthy. But you also know it’s hard to juggle work, family, and physical activity. Still, setting a healthy example is a good start. So if you’re looking for ways to get your kids involved, check out these tips. August 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
4 Ways to Boost Sexual Compatibility | Health and Burn Weight
You'd never guess that my client Lydia—who is beautiful, smart and funny—wasn't having sex as often as she'd like. Her husband, Harry, thought once a week was plenty, but Lydia wanted to do it every day. While she'd always been a little more hot to trot than he was, the gap—and ensuing tension—had only increased. "Don't men usually demand sex all the time?" she asked. "What's wrong with me?"
Julia had the opposite problem. She and Stuart had felt sexually compatible from the start, but with three children under 7, Julia had gone from being "slightly less aggressive" to far more interested in sleeping than making love. By the time they came to see me, Stuart and Julia hadn't done the deed in three months.
It's natural to fall a little out of step with your partner after you've been together for a while. Maybe—as in that famous scene from Annie Hall—the amount of sex you're having feels like a ton to you and nothing to him. Perhaps one of you wants to try something that the other isn't into, or suddenly it seems like there's nothing he can do to turn you on.
Related: 15 Everyday Habits to Boost Your Libido
Here's a bit of biology: When you fall in love, your body releases the pleasure neurotransmitter dopamine. You're flying so high that attraction feels effortless, and since you want to please your new partner, it's fun to try new things out with him. But eventually your dopamine output dips to more normal levels as familiarity and friendship develop between the two of you over time. While these are very lovely qualities to have in a relationship, they can be directly at odds with desire.
Sometimes being out of sync is simply about being too damn busy for sex (like if one of you is returning home late from work and the other is crashing early) or about one person becoming the only instigator. Or you just experienced a hiccup (such as taking a break from romance after your kid was born) that grew into a bad habit. Whatever the reason, you've entered the Sexual Frustration Zone. Luckily, there's a way out.
1. Don't settle for just so-so
You might say to yourself, Sex isn't that important as long as we get along. But as I've seen in my practice, that's the case only when both members truly have zero interest in sex, which is fairly rare. What happens much more often is that one person says, "I'm fine with not having sex!" while the other person is not fine with it. At all. It's a situation that can actually lead to the demise of a relationship, even one that's strong in every other department, because the more in tune you are sexually, the more tools you have as a couple to right your ship during tough times—whether you're facing health scares, money woes or family drama.
Related: Best and Worst Foods for Sex
2. Steal alone time
I can't emphasize this one enough! I know—it seems impossible. It's so worth it, though, to get a sitter—once a week, if you can—and have some relaxed fun with each other outside the bedroom to get those dopamine levels back up. This is the ideal time to raise the idea of trying new things, whether it's having sex somewhere besides the bedroom or upping the romance factor. Most men want to please, but they aren't mind readers, so be clear: "I'd like you to help me get the kids in bed so I have energy to rock your world afterward."
3. Check in with your MD
If you and your partner are still a little off-kilter in the intimacy department, there may be a medical issue—it could be anything from depression to diabetes or even heart disease—that's to blame. Taking medications such as (ironically) antidepressants can also blunt sex drive. And while a dip in testosterone levels is normal for men as they age, a big hormonal drop can lead to a loss of libido.
Related: 20 Weird Facts About Sex and Love
4. Talk it out
Maybe after trying all that, you just can't seem to get in the mood when he is. Or your ideas of fun still don't mesh: Do you looove foreplay while he always jumps straight into the main event? It never hurts to ask for help from a pro. Yes, opening up about your sexual frustrations can be hard, especially to a stranger. But a certified sex therapist can give you assignments designed to tackle the specific issues you two are having. She might suggest giving each other a massage with instructions not to have sex, for instance, to take away any pressure. Even chatting with a couples therapist can help you understand what's really at play. You may need only a few sessions to get back in step—both in the bedroom and out of it.
August 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
Julia had the opposite problem. She and Stuart had felt sexually compatible from the start, but with three children under 7, Julia had gone from being "slightly less aggressive" to far more interested in sleeping than making love. By the time they came to see me, Stuart and Julia hadn't done the deed in three months.
It's natural to fall a little out of step with your partner after you've been together for a while. Maybe—as in that famous scene from Annie Hall—the amount of sex you're having feels like a ton to you and nothing to him. Perhaps one of you wants to try something that the other isn't into, or suddenly it seems like there's nothing he can do to turn you on.
Related: 15 Everyday Habits to Boost Your Libido
Here's a bit of biology: When you fall in love, your body releases the pleasure neurotransmitter dopamine. You're flying so high that attraction feels effortless, and since you want to please your new partner, it's fun to try new things out with him. But eventually your dopamine output dips to more normal levels as familiarity and friendship develop between the two of you over time. While these are very lovely qualities to have in a relationship, they can be directly at odds with desire.
Sometimes being out of sync is simply about being too damn busy for sex (like if one of you is returning home late from work and the other is crashing early) or about one person becoming the only instigator. Or you just experienced a hiccup (such as taking a break from romance after your kid was born) that grew into a bad habit. Whatever the reason, you've entered the Sexual Frustration Zone. Luckily, there's a way out.
1. Don't settle for just so-so
You might say to yourself, Sex isn't that important as long as we get along. But as I've seen in my practice, that's the case only when both members truly have zero interest in sex, which is fairly rare. What happens much more often is that one person says, "I'm fine with not having sex!" while the other person is not fine with it. At all. It's a situation that can actually lead to the demise of a relationship, even one that's strong in every other department, because the more in tune you are sexually, the more tools you have as a couple to right your ship during tough times—whether you're facing health scares, money woes or family drama.
Related: Best and Worst Foods for Sex
2. Steal alone time
I can't emphasize this one enough! I know—it seems impossible. It's so worth it, though, to get a sitter—once a week, if you can—and have some relaxed fun with each other outside the bedroom to get those dopamine levels back up. This is the ideal time to raise the idea of trying new things, whether it's having sex somewhere besides the bedroom or upping the romance factor. Most men want to please, but they aren't mind readers, so be clear: "I'd like you to help me get the kids in bed so I have energy to rock your world afterward."
3. Check in with your MD
If you and your partner are still a little off-kilter in the intimacy department, there may be a medical issue—it could be anything from depression to diabetes or even heart disease—that's to blame. Taking medications such as (ironically) antidepressants can also blunt sex drive. And while a dip in testosterone levels is normal for men as they age, a big hormonal drop can lead to a loss of libido.
Related: 20 Weird Facts About Sex and Love
4. Talk it out
Maybe after trying all that, you just can't seem to get in the mood when he is. Or your ideas of fun still don't mesh: Do you looove foreplay while he always jumps straight into the main event? It never hurts to ask for help from a pro. Yes, opening up about your sexual frustrations can be hard, especially to a stranger. But a certified sex therapist can give you assignments designed to tackle the specific issues you two are having. She might suggest giving each other a massage with instructions not to have sex, for instance, to take away any pressure. Even chatting with a couples therapist can help you understand what's really at play. You may need only a few sessions to get back in step—both in the bedroom and out of it.
August 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
11 Weird Things That Make Seasonal Allergies Worse | Health and Burn Weight
Keep your runny nose, itchy eyes, and sniffles in check by minding these foes during allergy season. August 26, 2014 at 02:14AM
14 Reasons to Have More Sex | Health and Burn Weight
Getting busy can improve your health. Just another reason to slip between the sheets. August 26, 2014 at 02:14AM
11 Unexpected Things that Mess With Your Memory | Health and Burn Weight
Feeling like you're in a fog? Your brain drain could be due to the meds you take, the foods you eat, or even the germs you've been exposed to. August 22, 2014 at 02:14AM
20 Weird Facts About Sex and Love | Health and Burn Weight
Discover what's happening to your body and your mind when you're falling in love or doing the deed. August 22, 2014 at 02:14AM
13 Ways to Beat Stress in 15 Minutes or Less | Health and Burn Weight
When your usual stressbusters just aren't cutting it, turn to these expert-approved (and sometimes unexpected) methods to relax. August 15, 2014 at 02:14AM
Robin Williams Dead at 63 | Health and Burn Weight
The actor's publicist said Williams had been severely depressed, and Marin County's coroner suspects suicide by asphyxia as the cause of death. Watch this Time.com video to learn more. August 13, 2014 at 02:14AM
15 Best Dog Breeds for Active People | Health and Burn Weight
Look to these non-stop canine companions for workout motivation and, of course, a little bit of love. August 13, 2014 at 02:14AM
The Ice Bucket Challenge for ALS | Health and Burn Weight
If you've seen people all over your newsfeed dumping buckets of ice water on themselves, you're not alone. The Ice Bucket Challenge is ironically one of the hottest things on social media as it tries to raise money for ALS charities. Watch this Time.com video to learn more. August 12, 2014 at 02:14AM
10 Best Big Cities for People With Asthma | Health and Burn Weight
In this slideshow we take a look at the 10 best big cities to live in if you have asthma, as ranked by the Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America. Is your city on the list? August 01, 2014 at 02:14AM
Testosterone Therapy: Wonder Cure or Myth? | Health and Burn Weight
Low-T drugs marketed to help men get their mojo back are having a moment, but are they safe? Watch this Time.com video to learn more. August 02, 2014 at 02:14AM
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