Amanda Gardner Yes, there are some medications that can dampen your sex drive. March 01, 2014 at 02:14AM
The Fertility Diaries | Health and Burn Weight
I thought it was too late for me
"I am still in shock that I am 41 and almost nine months pregnant! Ive been married for 10 years but have always been very blasé about having children. My husband is six years younger than me, and we have very full lives. Im an avid traveler, teacher, freelance writer, book author and recreational archeologist, so a baby was just never a priority in my life. I went off of the pill when I was 39 in an effort to get pregnant, but when I didnt after six months, I just assumed it wasnt going to happen.
"Then, a year later, I experienced the weirdest period Id ever had: It wasnt really bleeding, just on-and-off spotting. I took a pregnancy test to be safe, and when the first came back positive I was in such disbelief that I took another one. Even now, I feel guilty that my initial reaction wasnt ecstasy but rather 'Oh, s—t.' At age 41, its difficult to go through such a major change, and it took a while to wrap my head around how the baby was going to fit into our lives. To be honest, those first few months, I figured—given my age—that the baby wouldnt even make it to term. But by the end of my first trimester (and after weeks of really bad morning sickness), it was clear to me that the baby was here to stay. The last few weeks have been tough, mainly because I am on my feet teaching all day, but I am now excited about my pregnancy. Its a game changer all right, but in a good way."
—Daniella, 41, Cape Cod, Mass.
I'm OK with not having a child
"I tried to get pregnant for five long, excruciating years between the ages of 34 and 39. I felt like I had been run through the infertility mill and suffered countless misdiagnoses, so when I finally learned that I had poor ovarian reserve and would never be able to conceive, even via IVF, unless I used donor eggs, there was a sense of relief. The whole process had just left me emotionally strung out. I was distraught and frustrated—how could this happen to me?—but at least I had a feeling of peace. I knew what the problem was, and that there was nothing I could do to ‘fix it.
"I didnt want to go the donor egg route—I didnt want to spend the time, money and energy on more fertility specialists. We contemplated adoption, but after coming to terms with my infertility, I had a surprising realization: I was happy with my life, and I didnt necessarily want to change it. My husband is quite a bit older than me, and his kids are grown. We both enjoy being able to travel and otherwise live our lives the way we want without having to be accountable to anyone. I no longer choke up when someone assumes that just because Im a certain age I have kids, or get defensive when Im asked why Im childless. Im comfortable with my life path the way it is."
—Lisa, 43, Los Angeles
I put my eggs in storage
"I froze my eggs three years ago as a present to myself for my 35th birthday. Why? I was unwilling to make decisions in life based on pressure from my biological clock. I didnt want to force a relationship because I was worried about how old I was. Id rather find the right marriage and relationship than settle because I felt pressure to start a family. At age 35, I felt that I was at the top of my game workwise—Id just opened three restaurants in Colorado—but I didnt have a viable relationship in sight. This way, I knew Id have some insurance for later in life. If I cant get pregnant on my own, I know I have 15 frozen eggs in storage. Even if they dont pan out, at least Ill know I have exhausted all options.
"The process turned out not to be that big of a deal. The hardest part is psyching yourself up to give yourself a daily injection—but the reality is, its less painful than popping a zit. The biggest issue was the inconvenience: I had to do it every 12 hours for two weeks, so Id have to bring it with me if, say, I was out with girlfriends for dinner. I also felt crampy and bloated during that time, like I was having a really heavy period. I had to ditch my skinny jeans for yoga pants, which, in the greater scheme of things, is nothing. The actual egg retrieval took 45 minutes. I had to go under a mild sedative, and when I woke up I felt a little woozy and needed a friend to drive me home, but I was back at work the next day.
"When I did it, I didnt have anyone else to guide me through the process—I was the first person I knew to do it. Now I have so many friends who have opted to freeze their eggs that Ive lost count. Over the last year, Ive undergone some major life changes: I moved to the East Coast and started a new job. Its overwhelming at times to have hit the reset button at age 38. Right now Im focusing hard on work and finding a life partner. But whether I find him in one year or 10, its good to know that I have some insurance waiting for me back in a freezer in Colorado."
—Jennifer, 38, Stamford, Conn. February 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
"I am still in shock that I am 41 and almost nine months pregnant! Ive been married for 10 years but have always been very blasé about having children. My husband is six years younger than me, and we have very full lives. Im an avid traveler, teacher, freelance writer, book author and recreational archeologist, so a baby was just never a priority in my life. I went off of the pill when I was 39 in an effort to get pregnant, but when I didnt after six months, I just assumed it wasnt going to happen.
"Then, a year later, I experienced the weirdest period Id ever had: It wasnt really bleeding, just on-and-off spotting. I took a pregnancy test to be safe, and when the first came back positive I was in such disbelief that I took another one. Even now, I feel guilty that my initial reaction wasnt ecstasy but rather 'Oh, s—t.' At age 41, its difficult to go through such a major change, and it took a while to wrap my head around how the baby was going to fit into our lives. To be honest, those first few months, I figured—given my age—that the baby wouldnt even make it to term. But by the end of my first trimester (and after weeks of really bad morning sickness), it was clear to me that the baby was here to stay. The last few weeks have been tough, mainly because I am on my feet teaching all day, but I am now excited about my pregnancy. Its a game changer all right, but in a good way."
—Daniella, 41, Cape Cod, Mass.
I'm OK with not having a child
"I tried to get pregnant for five long, excruciating years between the ages of 34 and 39. I felt like I had been run through the infertility mill and suffered countless misdiagnoses, so when I finally learned that I had poor ovarian reserve and would never be able to conceive, even via IVF, unless I used donor eggs, there was a sense of relief. The whole process had just left me emotionally strung out. I was distraught and frustrated—how could this happen to me?—but at least I had a feeling of peace. I knew what the problem was, and that there was nothing I could do to ‘fix it.
"I didnt want to go the donor egg route—I didnt want to spend the time, money and energy on more fertility specialists. We contemplated adoption, but after coming to terms with my infertility, I had a surprising realization: I was happy with my life, and I didnt necessarily want to change it. My husband is quite a bit older than me, and his kids are grown. We both enjoy being able to travel and otherwise live our lives the way we want without having to be accountable to anyone. I no longer choke up when someone assumes that just because Im a certain age I have kids, or get defensive when Im asked why Im childless. Im comfortable with my life path the way it is."
—Lisa, 43, Los Angeles
I put my eggs in storage
"I froze my eggs three years ago as a present to myself for my 35th birthday. Why? I was unwilling to make decisions in life based on pressure from my biological clock. I didnt want to force a relationship because I was worried about how old I was. Id rather find the right marriage and relationship than settle because I felt pressure to start a family. At age 35, I felt that I was at the top of my game workwise—Id just opened three restaurants in Colorado—but I didnt have a viable relationship in sight. This way, I knew Id have some insurance for later in life. If I cant get pregnant on my own, I know I have 15 frozen eggs in storage. Even if they dont pan out, at least Ill know I have exhausted all options.
"The process turned out not to be that big of a deal. The hardest part is psyching yourself up to give yourself a daily injection—but the reality is, its less painful than popping a zit. The biggest issue was the inconvenience: I had to do it every 12 hours for two weeks, so Id have to bring it with me if, say, I was out with girlfriends for dinner. I also felt crampy and bloated during that time, like I was having a really heavy period. I had to ditch my skinny jeans for yoga pants, which, in the greater scheme of things, is nothing. The actual egg retrieval took 45 minutes. I had to go under a mild sedative, and when I woke up I felt a little woozy and needed a friend to drive me home, but I was back at work the next day.
"When I did it, I didnt have anyone else to guide me through the process—I was the first person I knew to do it. Now I have so many friends who have opted to freeze their eggs that Ive lost count. Over the last year, Ive undergone some major life changes: I moved to the East Coast and started a new job. Its overwhelming at times to have hit the reset button at age 38. Right now Im focusing hard on work and finding a life partner. But whether I find him in one year or 10, its good to know that I have some insurance waiting for me back in a freezer in Colorado."
—Jennifer, 38, Stamford, Conn. February 27, 2014 at 02:14AM
5 Ways to Beat the Waiting-Room Blues | Health and Burn Weight
A month before giving birth to her first child, Jacqueline Lisenby, 40, fired her doctor. "His reception area was crowded, the wait times were excruciating and when I finally got in to see him, he would rush through the appointment," says Lisenby, a corporate recruiter in Nashville. "When he found out I was leaving the practice, he had the nerve to say I would not receive the personalized care I needed at my new clinic!"
Sadly, Lisenby's experience isn't unique. Although practices are paying more attention to patient satisfaction these days—witness all the offices that now offer Wi-Fi, coffee and computers—wait times have held steady at just over 20 minutes for the past five years, according to health-care portal Vitals.com. And we're getting used to it: In a Health.com poll, 39 percent of respondents considered a wait as long as 30 minutes tolerable. "Many doctors simply have a patient roster that's bigger than they can handle because they're so fearful about not making enough money in this fee-for-service and managed-care climate," notes Mark Murray, MD, a family doctor and president of Mark Murray and Associates, a health-care consulting firm in Sacramento, Calif.
Understandable, perhaps—but that doesn't mean you have time to stare at bad waiting-room art or play Candy Crush on your phone all day. Make these smart moves to see your doctor faster, or at least find one who won't leave you hanging.
Get the scoop on the best times
In general, the first appointment of the day and the one right after lunch have the shortest wait times—but not always. "At our office, the early hours before work are actually the busiest," says Lynn Mitchell, who works at the front desk of Menlo Park Dental Excellence in Menlo Park, Calif. So hit up the receptionist for advice. Ask not only about the slots with the shortest waits but also whether the office books multiple appointments at the same time—a practice known as "wave scheduling," Dr. Murray says—which means the doctor then takes patients in order of arrival. If your doctor's office does this, show up early to beat the wave.
Choose your day strategically
To get in and get out quickly, avoid Tuesdays and Thursdays: Tuesday is the most popular day to visit the doctor, according to the online booking site ZocDoc.com, while Thursday sees the longest waits. Opt for an appointment on Monday, the day with the shortest in-office waits. (That is, unless you're going to the pediatrician's office, where Monday is the busiest.)
Call before you go
This is probably the simplest thing most of us don't do. Phone your doc, and if you're told he's running behind, ask what time you should reasonably arrive. If you show up and find out there's still a wait, see if you can leave your cell phone number while you go run errands, or get coffee and come back.
Complain (nicely)
If your doctor is chronically late, voice your concern to him. "Lead with a compliment, then bring up the long waits," recommends James Merlino, MD, chief experience officer at the Cleveland Clinic (yep, they have a whole office devoted to improving patient experience!). You could say, "You're an excellent doctor, but I get really frustrated when it takes 45 minutes or more to see you. Do you plan on making changes to address that problem?"
Physicians should apologize if they're late, and if they're dismissive, consider looking for a new physician—seriously. "Lateness can be fixed," Dr. Merlino says. At the Cleveland Clinic, for instance, there are signs in the reception area that read: If you've been waiting for more than 15 minutes, let us know. And at the Continuum Center for Health & Healing in New York City, patients receive a survey after a visit that asks, among other things, how long they had to wait. Some offices go to great lengths to keep their schedules running like clockwork. Erica Rajabi, administrative director of NYU Langone's Center for Musculoskeletal Care, monitors practitioners' wait times on a weekly basis. "It's about spacing out patients efficiently," she says. It's also about strategies like giving patients forms to fill out ahead of time. Otherwise, she says, "things slow down."
Or just skip the visit entirely
A growing number of practices have nurses on staff who can order prescription refills or answer basic questions—like what to do about seasonal allergies or a cough—by phone. Some doctors also respond via e-mail, eliminating the need for in-person visits. What should you ask electronically? "Queries that require only short, uncomplicated answers, like 'How often should I take this medication?' or 'Is it OK to exercise this soon after surgery?'" says Roshini Rajapaksa, MD, Health's medical editor. Anything more is worth a trip in—but hopefully not a long one.
February 21, 2014 at 02:14AM
Sadly, Lisenby's experience isn't unique. Although practices are paying more attention to patient satisfaction these days—witness all the offices that now offer Wi-Fi, coffee and computers—wait times have held steady at just over 20 minutes for the past five years, according to health-care portal Vitals.com. And we're getting used to it: In a Health.com poll, 39 percent of respondents considered a wait as long as 30 minutes tolerable. "Many doctors simply have a patient roster that's bigger than they can handle because they're so fearful about not making enough money in this fee-for-service and managed-care climate," notes Mark Murray, MD, a family doctor and president of Mark Murray and Associates, a health-care consulting firm in Sacramento, Calif.
Understandable, perhaps—but that doesn't mean you have time to stare at bad waiting-room art or play Candy Crush on your phone all day. Make these smart moves to see your doctor faster, or at least find one who won't leave you hanging.
Get the scoop on the best times
In general, the first appointment of the day and the one right after lunch have the shortest wait times—but not always. "At our office, the early hours before work are actually the busiest," says Lynn Mitchell, who works at the front desk of Menlo Park Dental Excellence in Menlo Park, Calif. So hit up the receptionist for advice. Ask not only about the slots with the shortest waits but also whether the office books multiple appointments at the same time—a practice known as "wave scheduling," Dr. Murray says—which means the doctor then takes patients in order of arrival. If your doctor's office does this, show up early to beat the wave.
Choose your day strategically
To get in and get out quickly, avoid Tuesdays and Thursdays: Tuesday is the most popular day to visit the doctor, according to the online booking site ZocDoc.com, while Thursday sees the longest waits. Opt for an appointment on Monday, the day with the shortest in-office waits. (That is, unless you're going to the pediatrician's office, where Monday is the busiest.)
Call before you go
This is probably the simplest thing most of us don't do. Phone your doc, and if you're told he's running behind, ask what time you should reasonably arrive. If you show up and find out there's still a wait, see if you can leave your cell phone number while you go run errands, or get coffee and come back.
Complain (nicely)
If your doctor is chronically late, voice your concern to him. "Lead with a compliment, then bring up the long waits," recommends James Merlino, MD, chief experience officer at the Cleveland Clinic (yep, they have a whole office devoted to improving patient experience!). You could say, "You're an excellent doctor, but I get really frustrated when it takes 45 minutes or more to see you. Do you plan on making changes to address that problem?"
Physicians should apologize if they're late, and if they're dismissive, consider looking for a new physician—seriously. "Lateness can be fixed," Dr. Merlino says. At the Cleveland Clinic, for instance, there are signs in the reception area that read: If you've been waiting for more than 15 minutes, let us know. And at the Continuum Center for Health & Healing in New York City, patients receive a survey after a visit that asks, among other things, how long they had to wait. Some offices go to great lengths to keep their schedules running like clockwork. Erica Rajabi, administrative director of NYU Langone's Center for Musculoskeletal Care, monitors practitioners' wait times on a weekly basis. "It's about spacing out patients efficiently," she says. It's also about strategies like giving patients forms to fill out ahead of time. Otherwise, she says, "things slow down."
Or just skip the visit entirely
A growing number of practices have nurses on staff who can order prescription refills or answer basic questions—like what to do about seasonal allergies or a cough—by phone. Some doctors also respond via e-mail, eliminating the need for in-person visits. What should you ask electronically? "Queries that require only short, uncomplicated answers, like 'How often should I take this medication?' or 'Is it OK to exercise this soon after surgery?'" says Roshini Rajapaksa, MD, Health's medical editor. Anything more is worth a trip in—but hopefully not a long one.
February 21, 2014 at 02:14AM
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